Fluffy and Mr. Fluffy are going to see Breaking Dawn Part 1 tomorrow while the Fluffy stepson is at school, and I’m way excited. I’ve been waiting to see Edward and Bella have hot glittery vampire sex on the big screen since, oh, 2008 or so. I’ve heard that the love scenes are tasteful, which is always a plus, but, just like the book, headboards get broken. Wow. I think I may need a drool bib. At any rate, I hope that after I’ve seen this long-awaited eye candy, I will have one more scene to add to today’s list. This was originally to be a list of ten, but I genuinely couldn’t think of that many love scenes that sincerely affected me, even after doing some internet searching in hopes of jogging my memory. Not that Fluffy is a prude. I am far from that, but it’s rare for a cinematic roll in the hay to come across to me as truly memorable rather than pedestrian or tacked on for fanservice. I also left off a number of my intended choices after careful consideration– for example, Titanic‘s banging in a model T scene did not make the cut because in my opinion, it was rather anticlimactic (pardon the pun) after the leadup– a handprint on a steamy window does not make for hotness in comparison to the scenes it was keeping company with. Sorry. Therefore my list is woefully short, but oh-my-goodness sweet. It’s all in the quality, baby.
PULP FICTION— Bruce Willis and Maria de Madeiros
I’ll be honest: I had never really noticed Bruce Willis until I watched this movie. Yeah, I had enjoyed Moonlighting back in the 80’s like everyone else I knew, but on the main I had thought of him as a master of snark, not smolder. By the time Bruce migrated to the shower my head was tilted to the side RCA-dog fashion and I remember thinking, “O-kay, now I get it.” The familiarity between the characters, who continue their sexy banter as Bruce showers and Maria brushes her teeth, is for some reason hotter than a tin roof in August. And Bruce has some VERY nice shoulders and an awesome gun show going on.
GHOST– Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore
I never looked at pottery clay in the same way ever again. Let’s hear it for wet and messy! Set to the soaring “Unchained Melody”, this scene established the deep romantic connection between the characters of Sam and Molly as no mere dialogue could have– which made what followed even more tragic. Swayze is so gorgeous here, and based on the film’s title alone we know things don’t end happily for these two, so there is an aura of impending doom that pervades the scene and gives it an especial poignancy. Sadly, this scene has been parodied to the point of cliche, but for me, it’s still just about perfect.
DIRTY DANCING– Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey
Yes, the late, great Swayze made my list twice. There was simply no way I could choose one of his amazing love scenes over the other. The first time I watched this, as an innocent fluffy-haired teen like Baby herself, my mouth literally dropped open during this part. “Cry to Me”, though a golden oldie like most of the soundtrack, became my ideal love song, and this particular dirty dance became my gold standard for all other onscreen canoodling. The scene is pure feminine wish fulfillment on every level– and, as Baby is the instigator, also qualifies as slightly feminist wish fulfillment, as well. I mean, what red-blooded girl (at least those of us who grew up in the 80’s) hasn’t fantasized about Johnny Freakin’ Castle?
FUR: AN IMAGINARY PORTRAIT OF DIANE ARBUS– Robert Downey Jr and Nicole Kidman
This is not, I repeat, NOT about furries. Well, okay, maybe kinda sorta. It’s not about the real Diane Arbus either, which is why it was just a wee bit critically savaged. If the movie had not used the name it might have been better received, because it is a truly heartbreaking Beauty-and-the-Beast tale which owes way more to Jean Cocteau than Diane Arbus. Anyway, since you’ve probably never heard of this movie, Fluffy Hipster Cat will break it down for you: Kidman stars as Diane, a repressed 50’s housewife who wants to be a photographer. Downey is Lionel, her new neighbor, who suffers from a disease that’s destroying his lungs and making him, uh, really hairy. Like, Cousin Itt hairy. That Downey is able to ooze sensuality while acting primarily with only his eyes and voice (and looking a lot like Chewbacca) is testament to his ability (he can sing, too– I am now overcome with the desire to see him play the Phantom of the Opera), and by the time we get to the obligatory love scene– in which Diane shaves off the hair and then proceeds to get equally naked with him– we are just a little in love with him too. Okay, a LOT in love. And I am NOT a furry.
THE ASTRONAUT’S WIFE– Johnny Depp and Charlize Theron
From Beauty and the Beast to outright Beast. Depp, to be fair, is no longer himself but possessed by an evil alien. The rough stuff that ensues is nonetheless hot, since we are talking about Johnny Depp here, but yeah, it gets pretty harsh. Some excellent camera work in this scene, which starts slow and erotic in the vertical but turns violent in the horizontal. It’s a little hard to watch, but somehow impossible not to– a kind of voyeuristic roller-coaster ride into the heart of darkness.
All memorable and steamy, but will Bella and Edward make the cut? I’ll be reviewing BD1 after seeing it, so we shall see…