Everyone, at some point in life and quite likely right now, can think of at least one celebrity they would like to… you know… get to know a little better. As in the sense that you would totally hide your wedding band if you encountered them in real life. In fact, whether male or female, gay or straight, I’m pretty sure you can think of more than one… am I right? Of course I’m right. Which brings us to the subject at hand, a little idea I thought I’d share, since it renders any indecision as to who one’s true celeb crush is pretty much moot. A friend of mine proposed the concept of the “celebrity hot tub” to me a few years ago. The premise is simple: Picture yourself in a hot tub. Bubbles optional. Swimsuit optional. In the hot tub with you are the celebrities of your preferred gender whom you would most enjoy getting to know. It is a smallish tub with only four seats. One of these seats is yours. Therefore, your imaginary tub can hold up to three of your famous crushes along with you. Cozy, yes? Voila: The Celebrity Hot Tub.
Your hot tub need not be set in stone unless you want it to be. Mine has evolved over the years. In fact, only one inhabitant of my tub (besides myself, of course) has remained constant since the introduction of the concept to me. Since I’m in a confessional mood, I’ll admit that it’s Johnny Depp. Others are welcomed and unceremoniously kicked out on a regular basis, though Robert Downey Jr has been a constant for a few years now, too. That third seat has been a regular revolving door, occupied at various times by Orlando Bloom, Christian Bale, Robert Pattinson, David Boreanaz, and Hugh Jackman. At the moment, it belongs to True Blood‘s Sam Trammel, but who knows how long I’ll let him stay? The beauty of the idea is that while you do have to be choosy, it being a small tub and all, you are free to be as fickle as you like, and all the seats except your own can be changed whenever you want. It’s your personal imaginary tub to populate as you wish.
That said, it isn’t even necessary to fill all the seats. There was a time when mine had only two other occupants (Depp and Bloom– I was in a pirate phase). It’s even possible to make a retroactive tub– in my teen years, the seats would have belonged to all three blond members of Poison, during my college years to Patrick Swayze, REM’s Mike Mills (the bespectacled one), and Yahoo Serious (seriously!), and as a young twentysomething, to Depp, Ryan Reynolds circa Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place, and The Kids in the Hall‘s Dave Foley. (My tastes fluctuate widely.) I’ve even reserved spots in the tub for guys who need some time to mature (Taylor Lautner is just too young to be in my tub at the moment, and I don’t have plans to kick anyone out right now, but should a seat open up in a couple of years, he’s on the waiting list. Ditto for Daniel Radcliffe. I need to see them branch out into more adult roles before I can allow admittance).
There is also the pleasant diversion of creating a list of those who are Banned For Life. Mark Wahlberg, for instance, will never be in my hot tub, because I cannot forgive him for the horror that was Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Likewise, I cannot for the life of me get past George Clooney’s stint on The Facts of Life many, many years ago to appreciate the highbrow hunk he has admittedly become, and Matt Damon was ruined for me forever by repeat viewings of Team America: World Police. Sorry, Matt; you are a human punchline now.
If you can’t narrow it down, it’s even possible to have multiple hot tubs. For example, you could start one for musicians only, keep one reserved for actors, and yet another for sports stars. You could even subdivide it further and have one tub for rappers, one for rockers, one for TV actors and one for movie actors, and one for quarterbacks versus one for hoops hotties. It gets to be a little much, however, and I prefer the simplicity of a single tub.
Who’s in yours?