We all know that with the Oscars, awards season officially ends. But that doesn’t mean there are no red carpet looks to be seen until the fall. Monday night’s Met Gala, known as “the Oscars of fashion”, brought the stars out in all their glory once again. Punk rock was the supposed theme of the evening, but there was a lot of variation. Some good, some bad, and some ugly… just another night in the celebribubble.
CATEGORY: MOST IMPROVED
Are they sequins? Are they beads? No, they’re safety pins! Hailee is rocking a leather Donna Karan that’s all blinged out with the stereotypical punk accessory, made over into something completely glam.
(TIE) GWYNETH PALTROW AND KATIE HOLMES
Gwynnie’s Valentino isn’t doing it for me. It’s a great color and a luxe fabric, and a huge pile of disappointed potential– it’s just kinda hanging there, drama-free. Katie’s Calvin Klein looks like she escaped from either a toga party or the pound, what with that flea collar around her neck.
CATEGORY: ACCESSORY HALL OF SHAME
(TIE) SARAH JESSICA PARKER AND NINA DOBREV
Make no mistake, these are both awesome gowns. The problem is what’s going on around them. SJP is wearing a Giles Deacon with metallic graffiti detail, and it’s all well and good. But she had to go and top it off with that freaky Philip Treacy hat thingie (remember Treacy? He was the one who told Princess Beatrice that wearing a toilet seat on your head to your cousin’s wedding was a good thing). Dear God, she looks like a rooster. Or a Chinese Crested. As for Nina, her sheer, bustier-topped Monique Lhullier is gorgeous, but it needed an UNDERSKIRT, not those leggings. Way to ruin a good thing– the top was punk enough.
CATEGORY: DRAMA QUEEN
CATEGORY: THE DARE-TO-BARE AWARD
(TIE) EMMA WATSON AND NICKI MINAJ
Two very different looks, but both very daring. Emma is all grown up in Prabal Gurung that leaves very little to the imagination. Nicki’s sapphire-blue Tommy Hilfiger is a little more conservative, but still shows off a lot of skin. Also– props to Emma for best shoes of the night and Nicki for best hair.
CATEGORY: GODDESS AWARD
Cameron’s Stella McCartney… is a pretty color. But there aren’t enough WTF’s in the universe to describe everything else about it. The whole conglomeration looks so tight she oughta be having trouble walking, let alone moving her arms under that also-extremely-tight-looking capelet thing, and the inch long spikes on that belt… Oh. Em. Gee.
CATEGORY: THE SHOULD’VE KNOWN BETTER AWARD
(TIE) STACY KEIBLER AND KRISTEN STEWART
Fashion-wise, Stacy can usually do no wrong. And there’s really nothing wrong with her Rachel Roy minidress– it’s actually totes cute. But even the classiest among us can have the occasional misstep, and those horrible hoof booties are a tragedy. And there was once a time when Kristen looked pretty good on the red carpet, or at least like she didn’t hate the world, but this Stella McCartney onesie in exactly the wrong color would make me look pissed off, too. This was a serious contender for Worst-Dressed, but then I saw something far, far worse…
Kim’s baby-daddy Kanye West looks dapper and handsome. Kim is using pregnancy as an excuse to wear the most horrible clothes EVER. Givenchy should hang their collective heads in shame over this Riccardo Tisci-designed monstrosity. It had to be doing time as a slipcover in a nursing home somewhere before it was culled–uh, called– to fashion duty. For one thing, it boasts the hand equivalent of footy pajamas– handy pajamas? Neither the cut nor the material nor the pattern nor the sheer oddity of the whole getup flatters the very preggo Kim in any way. Hands down (see what I did there?), the worst outfit I’ve ever seen on any red carpet, anywhere.
(TIE) JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND EMMY ROSSUM
Jennifer and Dior are like peanut butter and jelly– they just go great together. The adorable little black dress is all blinged out and wonderfully accessorized with killer shoes and a mysterious face veil. Emmy’s Donna Karan is as ethereal and lovely as the young lady wearing it. Both are incredible.
SPECIAL CATEGORY: THE FLUFFY AWARD
Once upon a time, Dior sent Marion an orange beach towel and bade her wear it to a red carpet event, which she obligingly did. To make up for the fashion equivalent of sending the poor girl on a snipe hunt, the fashion house has been supplying her with great frocks ever since, each better than the last, culminating in this amazing ombre creation infused with all the colors of a summer sunrise. For you newbies to my blog, the Fluffy Award best represents my own personal style, and I need this dress. NEED it. Oh, and the shoes, too.
There you have it, my lovelies… see you next time.