I’m a bit late with my usual fashion roundup; events beyond Fluffy’s control have been taking precedence, but I’m here now, so all is forgiven… I hope? At any rate, it’s a new year, and in a new spirit of kindness, I’m vowing to be less snarky with my comments and awards. (There will still be a worst-dressed category, but WHEN YOU SEE IT you will understand.) That said, you’ll notice that I’ve simply left out the boring or creepy dresses and my snide remarks about lack of creativity or safety or blah-titude or outright fugliness. I may love the fashion, but it’s really mean to cut people down for what they wear, especially since these folks are out on a red-carpeted limb here with millions of people judging them and while I may not be as cruel as some, I really don’t want to be cruel at all. It isn’t fun for me. I haven’t spent my entire life as a Mean Girl– I’ve been on the other side too, and I’ve had my clothes laughed at, and it isn’t a good feeling. (Yes, this was a long time ago, when such things actually meant something to me, and since I’m bangin’ and fabulous now I wear what I want when I want because I’m that girl who does that, but I can feel great about myself without belittling others.) I was debating if I wanted to keep doing the Fluffies at all, but I really do love awards season, so here I am. Anyway, enough with the soapbox and allons-y.
CATEGORY: MOST IMPROVED
You can usually tell how awkward Lena feels at these events– her choices in gowns have varied widely, but the unifying factor among them have been the sense of unease she exudes while wearing them. She has obviously picked out dresses which had a cool factor for her, but she hasn’t given off that screw-you-I-wear-what-I-want vibe that really pulls off an ensemble that dares to be different. Instead of looking offbeat and awesome, like a young Helena Bonham Carter, she has in the past looked more like she’s having an internal monologue– “Why did I pick this dress? I don’t look like everybody else! I hate these red carpet things! What am I even doing here?” Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, she came off as the Charlie-Browniest, but in this brilliant canary Zac Posen dress, she just shines like the beacon of ah-mazing that she is, with perfect makeup, hair and accessories, and a look on her face that says she might actually be having fun! Way to go!
(TIE) TINA FEY AND AMY POEHLER
Our hosts for the evening, hilarious besties Tina and Amy, took different approaches to red-carpet style, but both are equally adorable. Amy goes for sleek glam in her flattering cutout Stella McCartney column, while Tina opts for drama in a sweeping floral Carolina Herrera ballgown, but I can’t make the call on who looks cutest!
CATEGORY: BEST RETRO
(TIE) ZOOEY DESCHANEL AND MINNIE DRIVER
Ah, the evocation of Fashion Past. These two are representing very divergent eras, but both are doing it perfectly! Zooey brings back the Flapper look of the Roaring 20’s, but with a softer, more modern feel, in this beautifully detailed gown by Oscar de la Renta. Also props for the best shoes (also by Oscar), not just at this event, but in the history of the universe. I’ve been unable to turn up who designed Minnie’s LBD, but she looks like a chic Parisienne circa 1960 or so– VERY Audrey Hepburn, and as such, divine.
CATEGORY: BEST BABY BUMP
(TIE) DREW BARRYMORE, KERRY WASHINGTON, OLIVIA WILDE
I’ve often mentioned how disturbed I am about pregnancy bumps being treated as fashion accessories, but it’s a fact of life and it’s how we all got here, and while there are definitely incorrect ways to dress your pregnant self, these ladies are absolutely glowing and stylish at the same time. Drew’s Monique Lhullier floral number is quintessentially HER– Drew, like Fluffy, wears what she wants and has a unique, funky style all her own. Kerry always looks flawless, and the simple lines of her Balenciaga ensemble are pure class. Olivia’s emerald Gucci actually succeeds in making the family way look sexy.
CATEGORY: THE PINTEREST “NAILED IT” AWARD
(TIE) JULIA ROBERTS AND KATE MARA
Okay, I can’t go ENTIRELY snark-free, but these ladies are lovely, the only fault I find is with the designs. I’m sure you’ve seen the “Pinterest Fails” meme by now, in which cute ideas seen on the website don’t get QUITE replicated in real life. This is the spirit in which this award is given– these dresses were great ideas, and almost ARE great, and that’s really sad. Julia’s Dolce & Gabbana would have been a stunner if it had NOT been done in high contrast– all white or all black, with THAT belt and THAT smile, and it would have been SO perfect, but the juxtaposition is too jarring and makes her look cut in half. Kate’s J. Mendel is all kinds of textured awesome, but for one small detail… those sleevey things. Her stylist should have taken the scissors to those before she walked the walk!
CATEGORY: MONOCHROME MASTERPIECES
(TIE) JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND HAYDEN PANATIERRE
There IS a right way to do the black/white contrast, and the key is PLACEMENT. Jennifer’s Dior doesn’t overdo the theme. Just a couple of black accents really make the dress something unique and original, and the accessories are spot on. Hayden’s Tom Ford halter dress places the juxtaposition where it matters most, right at the waist, and in such a way that it flows naturally without looking stark. Also, I’m loving the brooch thingie and those earrings!
CATEGORY: SOMETHING WE NEED TO SEE MORE
SEE what I did there? Hehe. Anyway, the dress is fine, if a bit busy. I don’t even know the designer. This award is NOT for the dress. Fluffy is a proud glasses-wearer. There should be more of this on the red carpet. That is all.
CATEGORY: THE SEURAT AWARD
Georges Seurat was an artist famous for creating his works from tiny dots of paint, a technique known as pointillism. Emilia’s Proenza Schouler dress is created from tiny black and white embroideries– the fashion equivalent of pointillism. The overall look is an unusual, almost reptilian texture that suits the Mother of Dragons perfectly. Love it.
CATEGORY: THE GOLD MEDAL
There were lots of gold accents on this year’s carpet, but none quite as lovely as what you see Michelle wearing here. This Oscar de la Renta is simply magnificent and doesn’t even need flashy accessories to get its point across– just some small, pretty earrings and satin pumps and Michelle is flawlessly finished. Breathtaking. I would love to own this whole outfit.
CATEGORY: THE QUEEN OF THE AVANT-GARDE
Some actresses are known for trying too hard to stand out on the red carpet, and then there are those who do it easily. Cate is the absolute best at this. I’ve questioned some of her past choices, but she has her own aesthetic and she rocks it out. This black lace Armani is a perfect example– a statement, not a scream.
CATEGORY: MOST DRAMATIC
Who says white has to be boring? This Gucci gown looks simple at first glance, but then you notice those shimmering emerald jewels. Paired with coordinating emerald strappy heels and minimal accessories, this look is unforgettable.
CATEGORY: THE EFFORTLESS AWARD
Another look that is simple yet stunning is this amazing Givenchy. Textured in a winglike pattern and accented with a pair of sparkly diamond necklaces, the dress looks like Jessica was born in it. Loose locks, minimal makeup, yet perfectly polished. She makes it looks SO easy.
CATEGORY: THE MONET AWARD
Dear God, I love this dress. I can’t just give the Fluffy Award to Kaley every time she shows up somewhere, but I SERIOUSLY love this dress. It’s like wearable art. There are good florals and bad ones, and this Rani Zakhem creation is assuredly one of the best.
CATEGORY: THE DIVALICIOUS AWARD
CATEGORY: BEST ACCESSORIES
(TIE) SOFIA VERGARA AND EMMA ROBERTS
You know how they display beautiful bling at the jeweler’s– on a pristine black backdrop. Both Sofia and Emma are letting their jaw-dropping turquoise do the talking, while their gowns play second fiddle. Yes, I’m mixing metaphors, but it’s all good. On Sofia: a Zac Posen ballgown and necklace by Lorraine Schwartz. On Emma: a Lanvin mermaid dress and earrings by Neil Lane. Also on Emma, but not visible in this photo, the debut of her 3-carat diamond-and-rose-gold engagement ring– congratulations!
CATEGORY: THE SECOND CHANCES AWARD
(TIE) HEIDI KLUM AND ZOE SALDANA
Okay, you know how much I hated, hated, hated the half-sheer trend. I was dismissive; I used ugly words. But everything, even a bad idea, deserves a second chance, and surprisingly enough, here are two examples I DON’T hate. Heidi is impressive in a floral Marchesa with an embellished skirt and train, while Zoe plays it fun and flirty in a cute Prabal Gurung dress.
CATEGORY: WORST DRESSED
CATEGORY: BEST DRESSED DUDE
I don’t usually give awards for male attire, because there are only so many variations you can make on yer basic tux before it just looks silly. It’s a very fine line. And who would have thought that Mike Tyson, of all people, would own a red carpet? Not sure who the designer is, but this, friends, is a JACKET.
CATEGORY: BEST DRESSED
This. Prabal Gurung. Love love love. It’s a polarizing look– I’ve seen it on best-dressed and worst-dressed lists– but it works for Sandy, and I’ll tell you why. It’s the way she wears it. She looks like she feels gorgeous. She’s wearing it because she likes it. And guess what? When you FEEL gorgeous, you ARE.
SPECIAL CATEGORY: THE FLUFFY AWARD
(TIE) MARIA MENOUNOS AND RASHIDA JONES
As we know, the Very Special Fluffy Award goes to the dress I would have picked for myself– the embodiment of my own personal style. I couldn’t decide between these two. They’re equally fluff-tastic. Maria’s Max Azria is my favorite color, and revealing without being risque– I just love it! And Rashida’s Fausto Puglisi, adorned with glittery palm trees, is just so much FUN! I want both of them, in my closet, now!
So there we have it– the 2014 Golden Globes are one for the books. Remember, my fluffy and not-so-fluffy friends, fashion is fun, but it’s JUST for fun. Don’t worry about looking like a movie star. We are ALL awesome, and no look is worth suffering for. Perhaps Emma Thompson, looking fab herself even without her Louboutins, put it best: