After an award season that seemed unusually short this year, the big night was finally upon us: the 2015 Academy Awards! For the fourth year running, I have made my way to the red carpet to give you the rundown on who looks good, who looks better and who needs to go home and start all over again. Thank you Photoshop for allowing me to arrive on carpet in style! My Oscar gown of choice this year is an emerald green feather-print Naeem Khan and somewhat of a departure from my usual ballgown. Well, actually it’s a bit of a last minute switch-hit because another celeb showed up in my dress of first choice (which has never happened before, so I felt safe enough not to have a backup prepared– Murphy’s Law, amirite?)
Anyway, I am so happy to be here (in spirit, at least) and ready for a major roundup because SO many ladies brought their A-game tonight and I am majorly impressed! So let’s start handing out the most important Fluffies of the year!
At the last award ceremony where I encountered Lorelei, she was wearing a Gothic tragedy that I did not include in my rundown because I would have raged myself to gibberish and I’m trying to be a kinder, gentler Fluffy. This sakura-print Gabriela Cadena stunner is a delightful surprise– just as risky, but with a much better payoff.
CHLOE GRACE MORETZ
How adorbs is this Miu Miu dress? It has such a retro, 1970’s Laura Ashley kind of vibe– the tiny floral print, the lace stripe detailing, the simple silhouette. This is one of those dresses I wish I was still young enough to pull off.
THE GODDESS AWARD
MONOCHROME AWARD OF MERIT
Tom Ford is not one of my favorite designers, as he is one of the grossest perpetrators of the Generic Column Dress™. However, this black-and-white gown is cute and not at all generic. More like this, Tom!
If you’re wearing one of those Generic Column Dresses™, like this John Galliano for Maison Margiela, make sure you don’t fade into the scenery by using said dress as a backdrop for something gorgeous, like this Tiffany necklace wrought from turquoise, aquamarines, diamonds and platinum.
THE SHINING STAR
A shining star indeed– look at that texture! That’s all hand-painted sequins! This Chanel one-off created just for tonight’s Best Actress shimmers and sparkles like moondust. While I don’t normally like tulle rosettes, I forgive these because they just add to the starshine effect instead of seeming a mixed metaphor. Just awesome.
THE PRINCESS AWARD
There’s always that one dress I can’t find the designer of, and that’s pretty sad considering I have mad Google skills. This dress is just gorgeous anyway; all that detail. It’s like a lace labyrinth. If anyone knows the maker, shoot me a line.
PRETTY IN PINK
GWYNETH PALTROW AND LARA SPENCER
Pink is one of my reliably favorite colors, so maybe I’m partial. Gwyneth looks fab in a pale pastel Ralph & Russo column that has bloomed into a perfect tea rose on her shoulder. Lara goes bold in hot pink, another look I am unable to turn up a designer for. You know the drill– if you know, let me know.
ROSAMUND PIKE AND DAKOTA JOHNSON
Rosamund is looking ah-mazing in this lacy, slit-up-to-there number from Givenchy Haute Couture. This is the best look she’s worn this season. Dakota wows in scarlet Saint Laurent, a simple design with added visual interest in the silvery shoulder knotting.
THE BLUE RIBBON
JESSICA CHASTAIN AND THEA ANDREWS
Jessica is on point in a cool Givenchy that looks like two dresses in one– so awesome and sparkly, and check out those coordinating shoes! Thea is wearing electric blue Rita Vinieris, with a lovely sculptural bodice and perfect princess flare. Love it!
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
JENNIFER HUDSON AND SHAUN ROBINSON
Jennifer’s Romona Keveza sheath dress is simple but showy, its beautiful color offset with a skinny gold belt and peplum detail. Shaun is a ray of sunlight in a flowing canary gown by Leanna Marshall, with shimmery silver belt and clutch.
THE MIDNIGHT SPECIAL
Kelly’s beautiful textured Christian Siriano ballgown looks like a night sky brought to life. AND it has pockets! I can’t even. Christian Siriano is either amazeballs or eyesore, and this is decidedly amazeballs.
Another Kelly in black, but very differently styled. I love this Rita Vinieris dress. The black lace, the flared hi-lo skirt, it’s just so much fun. Speaking of fun, I always love Kelly’s lilac hair and funky handbags. I love how this one by Judith Lieber adds a pop of brilliant marbled color.
THE SILVER MEDAL
ANNA FARIS AND LAURA DERN
Anna is rocking a Zuhair Murad ballgown that was on my own shortlist of Oscar gowns, but not the one I ultimately chose (and had to abandon). Laura’s Alberta Ferretti dress looks super heavy and kind of armor-like, but I dig it. Love the Bulgari clutch and necklace, too.
VIOLA DAVIS AND ZOE SALDANA
While I’m generally bored by beige, champagne is much more interesting: not quite white, not quite pink, and definitely not beige. Viola looks royal in a satin Zac Posen ballgown and amazing Van Cleef & Arpels jewels. Zoe wears a slinky Versace take on the color, a fitted column with wrap detailing and serious wow factor.
Jennifer’s Elie Saab ballgown is gorgeous. Beaded detailing on the plunging bodice flares down the floaty skirt like a… like a garden that grows sequins instead of flowers. Yeah, that’s the ticket! Really, though, it’s just awesome, and peach is another of my favorite colors, and Elie Saab one of my favorite designers, and the ballgown is my favorite silhouette, so I might be biased.
Robin’s Marc Brouwer dress looks like the ruby slippers brought to life and turned into an evening gown. You can’t see the cool cutout back in this photo, but overall, this dress is one of my faves of the night– another simple design that’s so NOT dull.
What’s so sad about this Christian Siriano uh, thingie is that this beautiful color and lovely fabric could have been utilized in a design that wasn’t so, well, lumpy. And confusing. Is it a dress? Is it an extreme pantsuit? The neckline is an afterthought, the bodice doesn’t fit, and the whole effect doesn’t work. What could have been a pop of brilliance is more a smear of bewilderment from one of the most hit-or-miss designers out there.
THE DAZZLE AWARD
And points for looking most like Cinderella on the carpet! This silvery Alexander McQueen gown cuts a swath of glamour through a crowd of wannabes. Trimmed with pearl beading and organza sculptural flowers on the halter bodice, it flows into a voluminous satin waterfall of a skirt that just flat-out rocks.
THE DIVALICIOUS AWARD
A vision in deep cobalt blue Marchesa, Rita looks just incredible. The baroque gold trim, dimensional bodice, perfect fit and sweeping train make a bold statement. She keeps it simple with sleek hair and minimal jewelry, letting the dress speak for itself. Pure perfection.
THE EFFORTLESS AWARD
Octavia and Tadashi Shoji just go together. This beautiful pale blue gown with its long train and gorgeous beaded embroidery is just perfect and a true showstopper– Shoji typically custom-designs all her red carpet dresses for her, and I’d give anything to have that kind of relationship with a designer.
Talk about a risky Oscar dress! Naomi is wearing an Armani Prive dress which looks like a brick print. Shiny and silvery fun with a bandeau back, and completely unlike anything else on the carpet, this dress is all kinds of cool.
Louise is wearing a Monique Lhullier dress that I want to like so badly. The print is a mix of vivid and appealing shades of blue, but the cut… that’s a different story. The top fits well enough, but the skirt’s drape is needlessly bulky and doesn’t flatter. It looks like she’s swimming in too much dress. It’s the Little Mermaid That Couldn’t. #sadface
Channeling the Old Hollywood of decades past, Zendaya is stunning in this Vivienne Westwood off-the-shoulder column with a short train. She updates the look with fun dreadlocks, a blingy cuff bracelet, and an all-white manicure. Our newest style hero?
There is such a fine line between whimsical and train wreck, but this dress crosses the line, turns around and pukes on it. It looks like a half-baked Shrinky Dink. No one seems to know the designer, and I can’t say I care.
(TIE) EMMA STONE AND LUPITA NYONG’O
Emma is a red carpet risk-taker, and she’s been nailing it lately, but this feels like the apotheosis of her style. It’s an eye-popping, backless, sequined, peridot-green Elie Saab that really stands out from the crowd. Calvin Klein designs tend to be rather meh, but Lupita’s is a major exception– it looks to be literally MADE of pearls. Whoa. I have no words.
THE EXTRA SPECIAL FLUFFY AWARD
As we should all be well aware by now, this award goes to the dress I would have picked out myself– the embodiment of my personal style. This Yanina Couture ballgown with its spangled fireworks is just that. Love it so much on so many levels.
THE EXTRA SPECIAL “HEY SOUL SISTER” AWARD
I didn’t have to look up the maker of this dress. It’s a Valentino. This one is an extremely rare and unlikely award– in fact the first ever. Someone not only picked a dress I would have picked, but the same one I DID pick. That it is Keira, who began her award season in a shower curtain but has improved vastly from there, makes me love her– even though I had to scramble to find a new dress for my Photoshop project. Anyway, this glorious embroidered fairy garden of a gown would have been at the top of the page on me.
I am actually so glad that awards season is over this year– it has felt like a real grind, which it never has in years past. Hopefully the next one will feel like fun again, but until then, ciao!