Ever tried blogging from your phone? I don’t recommend it. At least, not if your post is particularly photo-heavy, and you’re using an iPhone 6. Said phone becomes a handheld kiln, force-closes your half-finished post, and eats it, digesting it into some cyber-purgatory-sewer from which it can’t be recovered. Yes, that’s a bit of a mixed metaphor, and smacks of “my dog ate my homework”, but that’s what happened to this post, and why it’s so late. I came up with the bright idea of blogging the fashion as the event went down, a first for me. Unfortunately, also a last. So here I am, on the trusty desktop, plugged into the wall like a rotary phone, but assured of my post’s safety.
Anyway, if the SAG Awards red carpet is any indicator, the Oscars are going to be wild, because there was SO much going on at this precursor event that I couldn’t really narrow it down. So forgive this ginormous post. Due to its unwieldy size, I’m going to try something a little different in formatting. First off, I’m going to present a large number of the gowns in chunky mega-categories based on color, with a simple numerical rating (based on the dress) and a few comments. Then I shall proceed to my usual awards categories with more in-depth analyses. Since I’m late anyhow, I’ll go ahead and get started, and comfort myself with the knowledge that this is probably the last post you’ll read from anyone about the 2016 SAG’s, so at least I’m getting the last word.
MEGA-CATEGORY: BACK IN BLACK
TOP TO BOTTOM:
Kathryn Hahn in Giorgio Armani: I didn’t care for this until I took a closer look. Loads of visual interest in the accordion pleated detailing, and the clutch is super-cute. Rating: 7
Queen Latifah in Michael Costello: The sequined geometric pattern makes a standard-edition black column a standout. Rating: 7
Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney: Lace detail on a structured bodice, understated yet glam. Rating: 7
Ariel Winter in Romona Keveza: Textured overlay gives this gown edge and sophistication. Very grownup. Rating: 7.5
Rooney Mara in Valentino: Rooney’s styling is beautiful, but I’m not loving the dress; too plain and severe. The gathering reminds me of a muumuu. Rating: 4.5
Anna Chlumsky in Christian Siriano: Another look I can’t get behind. Here we have draping that resembles Victorian funeral parlor curtains (but the earrings are to die for). Rating: 4
Renee Bargh in Mugler: Not your typical black dress! The asymmetrical trim stripe in a contrasting fabric is reminiscent of a single tuxedo lapel, the champagne-colored lining is way luxe, I love the carabiner detail on the shoulder, and that neckline (or lack thereof!)!!!! Plus, I love the shoes. Rating: 8.5
MEGA-CATEGORY: PRETTY IN PINK
TOP TO BOTTOM:
Priyanka Chopra in Monique Lhuillier: How cute is that? It reminds me of all the things that were right with the world in the 80’s. Like not being afraid to mix fuchsia lace with yards of tulle and wearing shoulder-dusting earrings. There is no irony in that statement; the heart wants what it wants. Rating: 8.5
Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang: This is literally the same dress she always wears, minus the sequins, which is a change of pace. But the simplicity of the design lets the accessories (WOWZA!) and Sofia’s newlywed glow (DOUBLE wowza!) speak for themselves, and I love the matching clutch. Rating: 8.5
Saoirse Ronan in Michael Kors: A simple long sleeve sheath in petal pink lace, a tad too demure for me, but still cute. Rating: 6
Raini Rodriguez (pictured with brother Rico) in Sherri Hill: So totes adorbz. The rose pattern is so pretty, and this little lady can rock a ballgown like no other. Rating: 7.5
Emilia Clarke in Dior: The self-stripes on the ballgown skirt are almost invisible, and while I love the silhouette and the color, this doesn’t stand out enough to be worthy of Khaleesi. Rating: 6
Sophie McShera in Escada: A streamlined, pastel approach to the popular faux cape trend, perfectly tailored and so flattering! Rating: 7
Diane Guerrero in Karigam: This looks like a huge flower petal. Or a pink mermaid. Or Marilyn Monroe, or maybe Madonna. Anyway, it’s awesome. Rating: 8.5
MEGA-CATEGORY: GREEN GODDESSES
TOP TO BOTTOM:
Kate Winslet in Giorgio Armani: This is a little more interesting than Kate’s usual, a nicely tailored forest green trumpet gown that exudes an Art Deco vibe in the black trim around the neckline. Rating: 6
Uzo Aduba in Zac Posen: Definitely an aura of goddesshood in this shimmery emerald dress, with matching clutch and even coordinating eye shadow. I love things that go together! Rating: 8.5
Julianne Moore in Givenchy: This is also an improvement on Julianne’s regular (boring) style; game is being stepped up in a huge way at this particular event. The color is glorious, the peek-a-boo waist cutouts are the right amount of sexy, and the whole thing sparkles. What’s not to love? Rating: 9
Carol Burnett in Bob Mackie: This is a bit of a staid outfit for the designer behind some of Cher’s zaniest looks, but it looks great on Carol without giving her that mother-of-the-bride air. Rating: 5
Marisa Tomei in Zuhair Murad: A pretty, kimono-style dress with lots of beading and crystals for an ornate look. Rating: 7
Eva Longoria in Julien MacDonald: This is amazing. I seriously want the top of this just to wear around with jeans. Rating: 9
Nancy O’Dell in Angel Sanchez: Another faux-cape design in brilliant Kelly green, simple but elegant. Rating: 7
MEGA-CATEGORY: TRUE BLUE
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:
Claire Danes in Stella McCartney: Color-blocked shades of navy and royal give this number visual interest and memorability, but I’ve seen Claire do better; the bracelet is gorgeous, though. Rating: 5.5
January Jones in Schiaparelli: It’s a poofy princess dress! Actually, I wouldn’t hate this if it didn’t fit so badly. As it is, however, it looks like a crumpled Kleenex. Rating: 4.5
Naomi Watts in Burberry: A Generic Column Dress™ gets raised to a new level with the addition of a textured floral pattern. Rating: 7
Sarah Hyland in J Mendel: This cobalt creation with a lacy cummerbund and thigh-high slit strikes the right balance between sweet and sexy. Rating: 7.5
Diane Lane in Angel Sanchez: This asymmetrical sapphire gown is so simple, yet so pretty, and BTW I love her hair too. Rating: 7
Gwendoline Christie in Lanvin: Gwendoline should have stuck by designer bf Giles Deacon, whose designs always look fab on her. This ill-fitting potato sack is super awkward looking. At least the cerulean fabric is a pretty color. Rating: 3
MEGA-CATEGORY: RED ROYALTY
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:
Melissa Rauch in Romona Keveza: A triangular bodice cutout adds a little sexy to a standard A-line. Rating: 5
Katie Lowes in Christian Siriano: A triangular bodice cutout adds a little sexy to a standard column. Hey, wait…is this a theme? Different designers, though, so not “twinsies”, but still… Rating: 5
Anna Faris in Naeem Khan: Nice silhouette with sleeve and neckline cuffs and a front slit. A little too boxy up top. Rating: 5
Tina Fey in Prabal Gurung: Simplicity itself with red halter spaghetti straps and flowing skirt. Rating: 6
Stephanie Drake in Jill Stuart: A bolder take on the halter dress; a subtle high-low hemline focuses attention on the Best Shoes of the night, beautiful satin Manolo Blahniks with intricate silver medallion/buckle details on the toes. Rating: Dress-6. Shoes: 10+.
Joanne Froggatt in Burberry: Goddess vibes from this long-sleeved burgundy stunner with contrasting beaded trim. Loving the Elsa hair, but the shoes, not so much. Rating: 7.5
MEGA-CATEGORY: BORING IN BEIGE
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:
Emily Robinson in Antonio Grimaldi: As you can tell from the title of this category, I am somewhat anti-beige. It’s a big nope for me. I have no issue with this dress; it’s actually very tasteful and pretty. I like the bodice detail and the skirt ruffle. If this dress was literally any other color, it would be perfect, which is why it’s so tragic. Rating: 5
Kate Mara in Valentino: Fortunately, this category is a small one. Kate is traditionally the better-styled Mara, and I would really like this dress in maybe a pastel pink or blue. Rating: 5
MEGA-CATEGORY: THE COLOR PURPLE
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:
Kiernan Shipka in Erdem: A plum bustier dress displaying a garden of sky-blue carnations is just too cute on Kiernan. Rating: 8
Viola Davis in Zac Posen: Wow, this structured mermaid gown, textbook Posen, is an Art Deco dream. We’re not worthy of this awesome. Slay, Viola, slay. Rating: 10
Melora Hardin in an unknown designer: I’m on the fence about this mini-dress. It’s really fun, with its wild floral print and statement train, but is it just too much? I am decidedly in favor of the matching purple pedi, though. Rating: 5ish
Miranda Otto in Cristina Ottaviano: I want to like this dress; it probably looked great as a sketch, but I think the fabric choice for the design was poor. It doesn’t drape well, seems oddly bulky, and the textured sheen appears cheap. Rating: 4
Trace Lysette in Mark Zunino: Sometimes simple is sexy, and this understated long-sleeved number in grape is exactly that. The jewelry is on point as well. Rating: 8
Christina Ricci in Christopher Kane: There are a few different colors at play here, but the dominant one is lilac, so here it is. I love this gown so much. The accordion pleated skirt and lacy bodice are a nice juxtaposition of textures, and the range of pastel hues, petal pink to sky blue to peach to aqua to lilac, is amazingly, surprisingly harmonious. Check out the chunky amethyst bracelet too! Rating: 10
MEGA-CATEGORY: WHITE NOISE
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:
Zuri Hall in Hayley Paige: This glittering design is a study in contrasting patterns that pull together to make a beautiful whole. Rating: 9
Dascha Polanco in Nurit Hen: I have a weakness for fringe, and I heart the way it’s used here. I want this dress now, and an excuse to wear it. Ahem, vow renewals, Fluffy Hubby? Love love. Rating: 10
Amanda Peet in Narciso Rodriguez: A flowy ivory dress with spaghetti straps and waist cutouts is easy, breezy, beautiful. Hmm, that would make a good slogan for some cosmetic company. Rating: 7
Liz Hernandez in Leah da Gloria: I think I’ve seen a similar design on Kim K, and it’s easy to see why; the pattern flatters every curve. Va Va Voom. Rating: 7
Carrie Brownstein in Akris: A diamond-white textured tea-length dress contrasts well with strappy champagne pumps. Rating: 6
Carice Van Houten in Dior: I love this embroidered gown adorned with tiny orange beads like sprinkles in perfect vanilla frosting. The unstructured blazer keeps the sweetness from becoming saccharine and lends an air of sophistication to the look. Well played, Dior. Rating: 10
MEGA-CATEGORY: LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:
Lily Rabe in Lela Rose: This is so cute! A brilliant canary floral pattern blends into solid white on the airy a-line skirt. Rating: 8.5
Hannah Murray in Charlie Brear: Overly simple, but Hannah looks gorge, so I can’t really hate. Rating: 5
Sola Bamis in Lola Wusu: A Generic Column Dress™ is given wings. Wait, it’s a bow. It’s kind of weird, but I’m digging it. Rating: 7
MEGA-CATEGORY: SILVER AND GOLD
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:
Helen Mirren in Jenny Packham: Helen is always impeccably styled, and she glows in this vertical-beaded beauty. A true legend. (Drops mic) Rating: 10
Christina Hendricks in Christian Siriano: I love this fabric. Is it a gold metallic jaquard? It’s hard to tell in photos. This is Christina’s signature style, but much like Sofia Vergara she knows what works for her; she’s always memorable as long as she’s not in beige. Rating: 8.5
Sunny Mabrey in Anne Bowen: This shimmery cap-sleeve column looks almost medieval in its styling, and it’s really cute, though simple. Rating: 7
Debbie Matenopolous in Nikolaki: This is awesome! The beading runs on a diagonal for a sort of cubist effect; at least it looks that way to me. Grecian draping on the bodice peels away from a spring-green bustier top. Yaaas. Rating: 10
Gaby Hoffmann in Rachel Comey: This dress is kind of an odd duck. I like the design. The sequins have a dragon-scale look. But I think I’d get a headache if I had to look at them too long. The accessorization is a bit off here too; the shoes are wretched, and I’m sadly reminded that this is an election year. Rating: 5ish
Sarah Silverman in Vivienne Westwood: Pure old-school Hollywood glam in this silver satin mermaid gown, offset by a half-updo. small earrings and a killer red lip. Love it. Rating: 8.5
MEGA-CATEGORY: THE ONLY ORANGE
Joey King (pictured with Nolan Gould) in Gauri & Nainika: At least this is the only orange dress I saw. The erstwhile Ramona of Ramona and Beezus is all grown up in a sexy column that shows a lot of skin. Hair and makeup on fleek, and gorgeous jewelry. Wow. Rating: 8
AND NOW… HAVING TASTED THE RAINBOW, WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED FLUFFY AWARDS…
CATEGORY: MOST IMPROVED
JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS IN MONIQUE LHUILLIER
Usually, Julia doesn’t even make it to my fashion roundups because her ultra-safe styling doesn’t often stand out in any way. This pretty tea-length dress covered in high-contrast beading is a major exception to the norm. The black & white theme is carried over to her bow-detailed necklace, the Best Accessory of the evening! (Her shoes are cute, too.)
(TIE) MAISIE WILLIAMS IN ERMANN SCERVINO AND GIULIANA RANCIC IN GAURI & NAINIKA
Maisie consistently nails this category with her playful style, and this electric blue textured strapless design is the embodiment of her signature look. Giuliana ditches the glamazon styles she usually favors for an adorable LBD embellished with sculptured vines and pops of green; she is definitely channeling Holly Golightly here.
CATEGORY: BEST VINTAGE
DEMI MOORE IN ZAC POSEN
Demi is rocking a gown from one of Posen’s earliest collections, a piece that apparently draws inspiration from seventies tuxedo shirts but somehow still works, a precursor of the greatness yet to come. Demi looks like a million in it.
CATEGORY: THE SAD CANDY CANE
KALEY CUOCO IN ROMONA KEVEZA
This category just keeps coming back. Smh. It’s not really a striped dress per sé, but the styling gives it the appearance of one. Her left arm is the first stripe, the bodice the second, the cutout the third, the skirt the next, then her right leg, and then multiple stripes courtesy of the heels. Top off this already asymmetric look with a teetering, lopsided bun and… no. Just no. Kaley has frequently won the Special Fluffy Award also, so this is just so disappointing for me. 😦
CATEGORY: THE MONOCHROME AWARD OF MERIT
JULIANNA MARGULIES IN ANTONIO BERARDI
CATEGORY: MOST BRILLIANT
SARAH PAULSON IN ARMANI PRIVÉ
Whoa. It’s strange, but me likey. A plain black skirt (I think it’s velvet, but I’m not sure) is juxtaposed with a firework of a bodice covered in colorful feathers. I’ve seen a lot of unwarranted derision for this dress floating around online, and I’m here to give it the props it deserves. It is badass and memorable. Keep your bolts of boring cloth masquerading as evening gowns, this is a DRESS.
CATEGORY: THE DAZZLE AWARD
ALICIA VIKANDER IN LOUIS VUITTON
Alicia has had a rather hit-and-miss award season, but I absolutely love this incredible color-blocked sequin dress. This is some serious Wow factor. There aren’t enough happy words to describe it. Bravissima!
CATEGORY: MOST DRAMATIC
RACHEL MCADAMS IN ELIE SAAB
Floral patterns are everywhere at this event, and this is one of the most memorable. It’s an interesting take on the nude dress with strategic trim which has been showing up all over the place lately, in that it’s only sheer on the bodice; the skirt is an ordinary a-line skirt with unnecessary-censorship embroidery. Very clever, Elie Saab!
CATEGORY: THE EFFORTLESS AWARD
KRISTEN WIIG IN ROLAND MOURET
I love this whole outfit! A gorgeous jumpsuit with a crystal-encrusted top, strappy silver platforms, on-point accessories and a sleek ponytail make her look like maybe she’s born with it. Hmm, that would also be a good slogan for a makeup company…
THE CINDERELLA AWARD
SOPHIE TURNER IN CAROLINA HERRERA
This is a new award for the best ballgown of the night. This textured dress with midnight-blue stripes on black is just incredible. Minimal jewelry and a matching clutch complete a perfect inaugural look for this category.
CATEGORY: THE FAIRY PRINCESS AWARD
LAURA PREPON IN CARMEN MARC VALVO
Every fairy princess deserves a dress that swirls when she twirls, and this beautiful chiffon gown does just that! I am in absolute love with the bracelet on her right wrist, the one that looks like the ribbons on a ballet slipper; the other jewelry is amazing, too. The stars of Orange is the New Black really go all out at awards shows, probably because they have the saddest costumes in all of television. Then we get to ooh and aah at them. It’s a win-win.
DUAL CATEGORY WINNER: THE ARM CANDY AWARD/BEST BABY BUMP
I have not been able to find the designer of this sequined dress, which has much in common with Alicia Vikander’s Vuitton but I hesitate to call it. It’s more mod than Alicia’s, and it’s a really cute look for this mom-to-be. She’s accompanying her handsome husband Eddie Redmayne, who is not only excellent arm candy but takes the honor of Best-Dressed Dude in his Dior tux.
CATEGORY: THE ODDBALL AWARD
ANNIE PARISSE IN GUCCI
I have to admit I’m confused by this dress. The color combination is strange, the pattern is incomprehensible, the halter tie is on backwards and the whole affair seems to be covered with little brooches made out of bird poop. I will not pretend to understand. Moving on.
CATEGORY: THE BLUE RIBBON
BRIE LARSON IN ATELIER VERSACE
This could have been a preposterous mishmash of drapings, twistings, ties, and grommets, but it pulls together into something that’s kind of everything. For one, I love the sky blue color, and for two, the silver embellishments are really pretty and eye-catching. It flows beautifully, and is a perfect fit. From the back, it’s less a head-turner and more a head-scratcher; why is the one strap orange? It looks a little like a backpack strap at first glance, but orange is blue’s complementary color and it’s really not that obtrusive: just a little unexpected visual interest. It’s a really well-done piece, both as fashion and as art.
CATEGORY: WORST DRESSED
Okay, there is nothing that can remotely spin this as anything other than complete crazypants. It looks like something Tank Girl would wear to the prom, which might be the effect she was aiming for. I mean, Tank Girl is a BAMF and Lori gets a pass for that, but still. Just can’t endorse it. Nope nope nope. Couldn’t find the designer, who may have Alan Smithee’d on this piece (I would have).
CATEGORY: BEST DRESSED
LAVERNE COX IN PRABAL GURUNG
I can’t even. She looks so amazing! This dress unifies so many trends in one place. Grecian draping, cutouts, a cape, with a little bit of sari styling thrown in for good measure, wrapped up in a gorgeous claret package and set free to make us all happy.
SPECIAL CATEGORY: THE FLUFFY AWARD
(TIE) ELLIE KEMPER IN PETER PILOTTO AND NICOLE KIDMAN IN GUCCI
As we all know by now, the Extra-Special Fluffy Award goes to the dress or dresses that best exemplify my own personal style. Ellie has appeared here before; Nicole, I believe, is a newbie. It should be easy to see from looking at these two gowns that my own sense of fashion is quirky, eccentric, more than a bit whimsical, and probably polarizing to others, as I frequently see my picks getting bashed by other bloggers and mainstream publications. Oh, well. If you agree with me, that’s great, and if you don’t, you’re 100 percent wrong, so Boo You. I love both of these and can’t decide which I’d rather wear, Ellie’s futuristic textured applique gown or Nicole’s ultra-feminine multicolor dress with cartooned detailing. Actually, I’ll take them both, and wear one to the afterparty.
So there we have it, my friends and followers, the fashionista post three days, and two lost drafts, in the making. I think we will next meet at the Grammys, and then at the Oscars at the end of the month. If I’m exhausted by an awards-season blog, I’ve got to give kudos to these celebs for making it through the season IRL, because I can’t even imagine how tired they must be… I think I shall join Carol in some sensible sherpa slippers and sleep for about a week now. Later, lovelies…